As I go around to different places, I often get to hear a lot of "I wish I was rather a boy" and "Only if I was a girl" stuff. No one seems to be satisfied with what they have got without realizing that everyone and every thing has its own pros and cons. But just to find out what is that one thing that boys and girls actually crave about being the opposite gender, we asked a few people the same question. Interestingly, we ended up getting some hilarious yet debatable answers:
When we asked men about the best thing about being a girl/woman, there were a plenty of different answers; some of which actually came out of the frustration, I believe! While on the contrary, when a similar question was asked from the girls, almost 75% of them had a unanimous anger on the fact that guys have a lot more FREEDOM than girls at any point of time. Let's look at some more interesting answers:
Boys for girls:
1. They don't have to worry much about their future, they know they will get married anyhow.
2. They always have someone to worry about their problems and take care of them and their stuff. They don't really have to actually "Go and get it"
3. They get more attention and pampered no matter what.
4. They get to display a sense of overbearing self-worth or self-importance.
5. They can crack the job interviews much easily.
6. They always have a lot of options in everything, even though they still don't like any.
7. They have a lot of people fighting for their rights but themselves.
8. They get all the pampering back at home no matter even if its their fault.
Girls for Boys:
1. The word Boy seems to be a synonym to FREEDOM to me, what else can I say more!
2. That they can piss anywhere around the world, standing. ROFL!
3. Restriction free Night outs and alcohol Parties
4. If you smoke, you are not taken as someone who will sleep with anyone and clubbing doesn't make you a whore
5. No PMS. If you remove that , girls would have so much less to worry about. because we are irritated and frustrated and bitchy because of PMSing.
6. That probably they are not forced for the marriage early in their age groups.
7. They don't have to leave their family, friends and town and shift to a new place with a new family after the marriage.
8. Nobody makes a fuss about "you are 32 and still single"
9. "Safety" doesn't have to be on top of their or their parents' minds before going out somewhere.
10. Since the early childhood, they're told that they are much stronger than girls which helps them build a strong frame of mind as they grow which henceforth helps them to take stronger decisions more practically than emotionally.
Ohh! yes, that last one was a good one indeed and beautifully conveyed. It is so much fun to know what people think about certain matters, all they need is a platform to talk about it. Here is yours.... Tell us what you think about the same in the comment section below.
- Siddhartha Garg
Love and trust are the two most important pillars upon which any relation is built on.
As far as these are balanced, the relationship will prosper and thrive with unbounded happiness but if we lack any of the above, its time we give our relationship a second thought before it destroys multiple lives. There is no point in dragging a relation if you are not satisfied with it - either find a solution to it or else find a way out. The agony of being in a fake relationship is dreadful to imagine and it slowly eats away the peace of mind & self- confidence of the individual. Having said that, do you really think its easy to move out of a relationship like marriage just like that? Let's find out what India believes about the same:
Rohit Bisht, 24, Unmarried, IT Professional: It totally depends on the kind of affair you are referring to in your context. How strong is your trust on your spouse is proportionate to how honest you are with each other. I would first analyse the situation before confronting her on the same. If in case, I find out that she had carried this affair from pre-marital days then I don't think I would have much of a choice but to part ways by filing a divorce because Honesty is the policy that must be followed before entering in the relationship, if you love someone else, speak out, the person you are about to marry should be your confidant. There's no better time to show how much you care about the relationship. You honesty now determines how strong your relationship is going to be in the future and I don't think I would be able to trust her any further and rather would eventually land up in a situation even worse. Yes it would be hard to confront her on the issue if your love for her is far too great but it would be an agonizing relation ship if the decision is delayed.
On the other hand, I may opt to forgive her and allow her another chance if she would have developed this interest lately (after marriage) because I may consider it to be human to get attracted to some qualities in some other person that I may lack. I will take her out on a vacation to ease out the process and give each other some time to deal with the situation.
Tanima Kedar, 20, Unmarried College Student: I would leave him right then, there is other choice to it. As a matter of fact, I can't trust him any more; if he has done it once, I am sure he can/will do it again. Infidelity is an addiction and there is no way out of it.
Anonymous, 23, Unmarried Author, Homosexual(This author friend of mine wanted his name not to be mentioned as he hasn't come out of the closet with his orientation as of now) This is what he had to say: Ohh! that's completely ohk! It happens in relationships. Even if I find out that "he" has been cheating on me, I will confront him and tell him how often I have cheated on him earlier and that I am completely fine with it. I just wouldn't want him to be emotional about the fact that I have discovered the truth and will try my best not to make him feel uncomfortable because of it.
Niharika, 26, Married for one and a half years: If I have to react to that situation with my basic instincts, I would have said I would beat the shit out of him and leave him right away but being into marriage and following Indian rituals and customs make your thinking more practical and sensible. We have to think multiple times before reaching out to a conclusion. So I may give it a try to confront him listen to his side of the story but it is next to impossible that I may end up being convinced with whatever reasons he may propose. I am a very hard nut to crack and especially when it comes to my trust, it can't be regained easily, once lost. The ultimate result will have to be a separation I am sure, the process may be a little less aggressive but the result may not change. I don't find a reason to forgive him and suffer for his sins. If my love and my presence wasn't enough for him then, it shall not be so, ever.
Himanshu 29, Married for two years (Love Marriage): First I will make sure what I have discovered that it is cent percent authenticated and if it is so, I don't think I have the temperament enough to confront the person and discuss the matter anymore. The only solution that I can think of to solve such situations peacefully is to avoid them and take appropriate measures to get rid of them as soon as possible.
Anshu Mittal, 28, Married for three years (Love Marriage): See the decisions can't be taken in a haste. There are a lot of factors that determine a situation and so we need to take decisions carefully. In the case you mentioned, I would first confront the person and would like to see his reaction on the matter. If the situation has become so intense that it wouldn't matter to him whether I know about his tomfoolery or not, then I must understand that it is a clear indication about what he is expecting me to do and it would be foolish at my part to stick to his surname after all this. But in case he readily accepts his fault and is willing to apologize and compensate for his misbehavior, then I must give him one more chance to work things out between us. I believe everyone commits a mistake, big or small, and everyone deserves a second chance. But this chance will not come for free for sure. I will make sure that I include his parents and mine in the discussion and present the matter before them before I do so; this will not just give me a leverage to react on the matter in a decisive way the next time but will also create an additional pressure on him for keeping a check on his adrenaline release in my absence.
Mahima Bhowmik, 32, Married for 8 years (Love Marriage): Well, that's a dangerous one I must say, please do not scare me with them. Anyways, there are times when things may go wrong in your married life and this is the time you must not jump to a conclusion in a giffy. I would individually first discuss the things with my spouse in an isolated manner and will try to figure out the potential reason that may have agitated his actions. If the reason behind the same was a mere infatuation, then I must say the case is really bad and chances for an apology are really meek. But the other reason for it may be that I wasn't able to give him enough time and care that his subconscious provoked his actions and led him to a situation that bad. In such a case I would allow him a chance to improve and will make sure I improve on my drawbacks as well. When you have a kid or two, it isn't easy to just move out of a relationship; we have to work things out some way if not for ourselves, probably for our child's future and so we will have to carry on with this relationship expecting the hard earned trust to rebuild, someday, yet again.
Anshu Khulbe, 27, Unmarried: "Well that's a tricky situation but I don't think I will let loose my relationship that easy. I will confront him and will try to figure out the problem; if the situation is as bad that all he is willing to have is a part away I probably would have no choice but only if there are any meek chances to improve on the situation, I would like to grab them and try and make things work again." On being asked that will she be able to trust the person yet again, she replied, "Of course its not easy to trust or live with a person who has broken your trust big time but being a girl and the kind of social and parental expectations that may bestow on me, I will try to live up with the situation and expect things to change for good."
Mehek Bassi, 21, Author, Unmarried: well, I've thought about this situation a lot, because it's happening all around. I would simply leave him, because there's no 'reason' to give him a second chance and leaving him would bring peace in my own life too. I'm someone who can tolerate anything, but not backstabbing, and cheating is backstabbing. Just in case you are thinking that I am being hysterical about the situation and should think about talking the matter out or forgiving him, let me tell you something - mistakes may be forgiven, not crimes and cheating is a crime because you don't do it unconsciously or unintentionally, you do it with all your senses wide open. Moreover, I don't believe there would be anything left to discuss over it anymore. If ever a discussion was possible, it had to be before he did something like that. if he had a problem with me, he should have confronted me before going to someone else but if he has already done it, there is no use of discussing things afterwards. You don't revive someone from dead after killing them, my friend. Cheating is a similar situation.
Seema, 26, Unmarried, It professional: A very difficult and unfortunate situation for any side, wife or husband. First of all, I would calmly ask my spouse where does he intend to take it from there. No drama, no hysterics and no tamasha. Plan conversation with the spouse, asking him about his future plans. If he does not want to be with me, the answer is simple. Divorce. Both sides of family shall be involved. I wish it was just a pre-marital affair that you could walk away, but it's different here.
Now the next scenario, if he is willing to apologize and accept his guilt and wants to end everything and work on our marriage, I would stay with him and I would keep the things between two of us, no one else needs to know. I would also use his indiscretion and emotionally blackmail him for the rest of his life; you see, I would get an upper hand from that time onward given I would have proved a better character than him. Of course it would be difficult to trust him again but I would give him a chance to redeem himself. Marriages my friend are more like a business where you have to take your chances. In case your card works, you may not even remember what happened ten years down the lane. Shit happens with everyone and believe it or not one in every three people commit adultery at some point of time in their life. Imagine what would our society be like if all of them decided to get divorced.
Now, let's meet a real time hero:
Anonymous (Lady, Friend, 38, Sr. Book Editor, Married, Mother) : Oh My God, Sid! How did you... I mean I wonder how did you happen to ask me that question but... it's not a hypothetical situation for me, Sid. I am currently estranged from my husband because I found out that he was cheating on me. I have been living on my own with my daughter for an year and a half now, and trust me - it's been terrible. In this past year or so, I have been through multiple mental traumas - from total disbelief and denial to feeling lost and discouraged to feeling suicidal to depression to thinking "why me" to sadness to extreme anger and to finally realizing that he is not worth it and I have to move on, both for myself and my daughter. But this journey, indeed, has been really tough and tenacious to say the least.
It wasn't all that easy that time and moving out wasn't a simple decision for me. When you actually face these situation, you tend to lose your consciousness and the ability to think wisely but I had to because I didn't have no better choice. I couldn't have jumped to a conclusion just like that; after all I was not only a wife but a mother by then. Things could have been different if the situation had rather arisen much earlier into our marriage when there were comparatively much lesser responsibilities on me.
Moreover, when you face certain situations you have to be very firm about it with strong evidence. I had an inkling about it initially, got some pointers too, plus a major giveaway was his changed behavior and secretiveness but when I asked him about it, he of course refused it point blank and said a blunt "NO". In fact he rather blamed me for mistrusting him and being a nag. Although, initially I felt ashamed of having a suspicion on him but slowly and gradually his actions turned my suspicion into a much stronger belief. I, now, knew something was fishy and that he had been lying to me all throughout but this time I needed some strong evidence before I could confront him again. And this time I found some concrete evidences like photos and confronted him yet again and he had no other choice but to give and admit his tomfoolery. I informed his girl friend's husband too. Things changed after this. I wanted to move out but it wasn't easy. I had a daughter to think about and of course her future. I wondered what impact it may have on her future if I moved out. We followed our daily routines but the talks dried up between us. It carried through a few days before it became impossible for me to look at the same face everyday who had been cheating on me and still had guts enough to come home and sleep next to me. I had started to feel suffocation in that house and I knew if I didn't move out, I may end up doing something insane. He was too egoistic to apologize or stop us and so, I eventually moved out and shifted to my mother's place so that my daughter is not totally deprived of all the love
all of a sudden. It's been an year now and a lot of differences and gap has developed between us. He is trying to come back to us but my self respect does not allow me to be taken for granted.
The biggest feeling was that of betrayal and probably something that I will never get over with but I have learnt that women now a days are strong and independent and I can make it through without him. The worst impact of all of this was the suffering that my daughter had to undergo. I had to take her to a psychiatrist last year because she wasn't able to deal with the absence of her dad but time has healed her wounds as well. She has now become strong and diplomatic. She likes it when he visits but is okay when he is not there. I have become her world now and she has become mine. It knew him since I was 14, it was a 24 year old relationship. It's a big step to file a divorce and I am still in two minds. I wanted to take my time as it is a big call but I believe that I will be filing a divorce finally somewhere later this year. Sometimes, I wonder why such men marry. My husband confessed that had genuinely fallen in love with that woman and though they were both married with kids, they couldn't stop themselves. he said he followed his heart. Now their relation is over and he got to know that the lady was in it just for some fun and sex and he was made a fool. He has become lonely but probably that is something he deserves.
No woman would trust a person who could leave his wife of so many years for just a fling.
I have been to hell and back and now I believe I deserve to live. Why should I suffer for his sins? Don't I deserve to be happy? Life has taught me a lot and I have started to take it as it comes. What worse can happen after all of this?"
Doesn't this lady deserve a round of applause? How many of us are really brave enough to take decisions that courageous or come upfront and face the reality?
This, I believe was an important important issue to be discussed upon and let me remind you, all that you have read above is the better side of it. There are many, especially women, who suffer silently because of many reasons, one of the major ones is that they are financially dependent. I know a lady who had been silently tolerating her husband who had another wife and a child from his second marriage just because she had no money and her parents were not well off; till one day when she was threatened to be killed by her hubby. She couldn't take it anymore and ran away. These small extra marital affairs do generally turn into ugly crimes.
Most of these people stray in their late 30's because a stagnancy comes in their primary relationship. They get bored of monotony and seek that extra thrill; in the pursuit of which, they mess up their family. Eventually these affairs die soon or get caught and then they want to return to their families but the irony is that their spouses want to move on by then and things can never be undone.
If something similar would have happened to you, wouldn't you have done something similar to move out of the relation and lead a single yet happy life? If so, then why do we think that our society would not agree to such a decision, especially for women? why do you think that your society would dissent on your choice to move out? Society is what your mentality makes it, so go ahead and do what you think is apt and good for you because you deserve to be happy.
- SIDDHARTHA GARG
